I got a condom stuck inside me
It happened during an unexpected night of passion in Paris. I picked him up while I was out drinking and took him back to my hotel, where we enjoyed a very enthusiastic one-night stand.
We parted ways after the act and I thought that was that. I was wrong. Two days later, I made a grisly discovery. As I sat on the toilet early in the morning, I felt something slide out and there it was: the shriveled piece of latex from 48 hours before.
I was in complete shock. How did I not know the condom had gone missing? How had I not felt it inside me for so long? And crucially, what the hell did I do now? Could I be pregnant?
Thankfully, this common situation can be rectified easily — but only if you act quickly. Here’s what you need to do if it ever happens to you.
1. Remove the condom
That condom needs an exit strategy — stat. At first, you may not even realize that a condom is lurking around inside your vagina, similar to the way you don’t feel a tampon after inserting it all the way up. If you’re struggling to reach it, try different positions — standing up, squatting, leg on the toilet seat, on all fours. Although not as enjoyable as the sexual activity that got you in this position in the first place, it’s important to get it out as soon as you realize it is stuck up there.
If you cannot reach it, get some help in getting the condom out, whether that be your bedtime lover or your BFF. This may be an uncomfortable situation to be in, but it’s likely to be less awkward than getting a doctor to do it.
2. Examine the offender
The critical thing here is to determine whether the condom is in one piece, or whether it is torn and, therefore, there might be bits of it still inside you.
If it’s whole and it’s only been up there for a few hours, you can skip the next step and go straight to number 4. If not, then …
3. Seek medical advice
If you can’t get the condom out and you’re concerned that pieces of it are still inside you, or it was up there for more than two to four hours, you need to see a doctor.
A used condom can harbor bacteria and cause an infection, and even if it doesn’t, you could be at risk of contracting an STD as you have essentially had unprotected sex. Arrange for an STI screen and get advice on whether you need any further treatment.
4. Morning after pill time
The most crucial step, and one that has a ticking clock on it, is seeking emergency contraception. Your doctor or local pharmacist can provide you with the morning after pill, which will protect you from unwanted pregnancy. It is most effective when taken within 24 hours of unprotected sex, but can be taken up to 96 hours (four days) afterwards.
5. How to stop it from happening again
One of the reasons a condom may slide from your man’s penis and end up being stuck inside you could be due to the condom being ill-fitted in the first place. Either it’s too loose or too tight — this is not the time for a one-size-fits-all mentality.
As a precaution, make sure your man is wearing the type of condom that fits him like that glass slipper fit Cinderella.
This will help to avoid this unseen “Sex and the City”-type MIA condom plotline from happening and — bonus for you — help you enjoy your sexual activity together even more.